Identity Crisis

This is probably going to wind up being a rant about nothing, but I felt the need tonight to vocalize it to a large group of people. Call me lazy if you like, but telling individual groups of people the same thing multiple times makes me feel like a broken record which in turn makes me feel like even more of an old lady than my sleep schedule already does. And for the record, I'm being a rebel and am awake two hours past my self imposed bed time.

This is about the "Missy" v. "Melissa" debate.

Yes, I prefer Melissa over Missy. For a while I approached it with an I don't care attitude. I finally realized I needed to set boundaries with myself and make sure people call me "Melissa". I can think of about 20 people I'm okay with calling me "Missy", and believe me you know who you are. The members at Pinehurst don't fit into this category because old habits are hard to break.

Melissa Anne was my mom's best friend's name, whom I am named after. When I was an infant my Granddad started calling me Missy, and somehow it stuck. I liked it, everyone liked it, and with a last name like Cheatham when you're in first grade it's a lot easier to have a short and simple first name.

When Granddad passed away, I felt what I thought was clarity in my own Missy/Melissa debate. But now I'm having second thoughts. But I'm realizing that my reasoning for being Melissa instead of Missy is flawed. I shouldn't have decided I am a "Melissa" because Granddad died. I should have wanted to stay Missy because he died.

Don't worry, I'm not going to change my name again, but tonight I had a moment of clarity where I should allow people I love and trust to call me Missy because I loved and trusted Granddad with all of my heart and it was his nickname for me. And that's all it is. A nickname. Not my identity. My heart is still the same whether you call me Melissa, Missy or if you are one of the 6 people I allow to call me "Miss". If a nickname isn't atrocious enough, a nickname FOR a nick name is the worst. But don't ever address me as "Mel". I might throw a rock in your direction.

I'm starting to feel like I will never outgrow Granddad's nickname for me. But if we are going to get positive, at least it can be part of the legacy that he left behind in me.